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Review

Miles Morales: The Ultimate Spider-Man #3 Review

Well, after Miles did what may have been the dumbest thing I could think of at the moment, I can’t wait to pick up where we last left off. So here’s my thoughts and opinions as I review the third issue of Miles Morales: The Ultimate Spider-Man.

The story starts out at the Daily Bugle where one of them is trying to pitch a story about Spider-Men when JJJ shuts him down, citing he doesn’t want any half-truths and that he wants the whole and real story. He does this while there’s a plaque of his old Spider-Man story claiming him to be a menace, which he lampshades and then states he wants a story about heroes being heroes or something he could use. Right on cue, he gets reports on Norman Osborn being alive.

At the police station some crazy guy dressed as Ms. Marvel is spouting about how the Earths are converging and will soon be one, which was the rumors going around last year about Cataclysm and the Ultimate Line ending, so touché Marvel. Maria Hill gets notice that one of the men the spider guys had beaten died in the ER, making it a murder. She then gets a note about Miles’ parents and sets off to find him.

Back with the idiot, by that I mean Miles this time, he just dropped the bombshell of his secret identity on his girlfriend and she bails out. Ganke gets on his ass about it, but before he can catch up to her Maria Hill just comes up and tells him to get in the car. He straight up runs and switches to invisible mode despite Ganke telling him not to, only to wait until she’s gone to uncloak himself. Then they learn that Osborn is alive and Miles goes to Aunt May’s house because that’s the first place he’ll visit and cause damage.

Speaking of Osborn, the FBI fucked up so they call in former SHIELD director Monica Chang and storm Osborn Industries to catch him. They find the man in his secret lair, dressed in a nice suit and haircut. He basically calls Monica a patsy, citing she’s just not as good as Nick Fury was, and then he sets her face on fire, kills the guards, crashes a helicopter on top of her, and blows the place up. Dick.

Miles finally makes it to Aunt May’s house, learning the hard way that having no web-shooters makes things far more difficult to travel. Thankfully Aunt May and Gwen aren’t around at the time. Not thankfully, Green Goblin shows up and it’s looking like we’re getting a repeat of the Death of Spider-Man as the comic ends.

Okay, review time…

Well, I loved this issue. The art was nice for the most part, not as crisp as before but still decent, and we have a redux of the most critical point of the last story while both a “Peter Parker” and Green Goblin are around. Here’s hoping that someone actually shows up to help, otherwise the death of a second Spider-Man by the same villain is going to look really bad.

5 out of 5!


All-New X-Factor #10 Review

Well, after that fallout last issue I’m glad they’re addressing it a week later. So here’s my review of All New X-Factor 10!

The comic opens with Polaris dusting herself off along with her brother and Cypher. Somehow nobody, not even the middle-aged woman, was injured when Memento Mori basically dropped a house on them. Still, she calls Harrison Snow up and tells him to get the rest of their team over there so they can get to superheroing.

Georgina’s father proves himself to be a somewhat smart and reasonable villain in that he’s basically paid off her mother, after dropping a house on her and kidnapping her daughter, so she can buy a new house. He’s taken her to a mall and 5-star hotel he owns through legitimate means, which superheroes that care about collateral damage can’t simply run rampant through to get her back. Of course he picks up the idiot ball and becomes an asshole when he forces her to show him her power, which she uses to mummify his hand and escape.

Gambit, worried that Harrison learned about his little fling with his wife, is taken to the matter transporter room with Danger and Warlock. They join up with the rest and get to the mall just as the guards decide to tranquilize Georgina. Cypher and Warlock, who turns into a motorcycle, get her out of there just as Harrison learns from Linda about Gambit tapping his wife last night.

As the comic ends with them being teleported out while the rest of Memento Mori and his men close in, Gambit just so happens to get left behind and left to the villain’s mercy after talking trash.

Okay, review time…

Well, this issue was fun and informative. Although I have to say it’s kind of petty of Harrison to leave the man to die just because he inadvertently slept with his wife. He’s sleeping with Linda, so what’s the problem? You don’t throw away an asset like that…

Anyway, 5 out of 5.


Magneto #6 Review

Magneto now has an outlet for his rage and he’s going to express it in Magneto #6. You’ll get my review here and now. So let’s dive into it, shall we?

The comic opens with two nameless SHIELD mooks following up on another Magneto slaughter. They show Scalphunter, a marauder clone, the same amount of respect they do the last few people who were victims of Magneto’s wrath, only he kind of deserves it. Magneto took extra steps to make sure this one survived, because after he cut off all his limbs he cauterized the wounds to make sure he couldn’t heal.

The story then skips to Magneto going through their ranks after his new partner-in-crime gave him a leg up on them. Because they’re clones and when one cell is killed another cell activates, he’s got a lot of work to do. She leaves him to it, but suggests that rather than simply breaking them he should keep them for himself.

Magneto, as he watches over the ones fleeing from him, recalls how the Morlock Slaughter on the orders of Sinister, just because they were imperfect. It was genetic cleansing, something Magneto is all too familiar with, and in his time as a villain he at least never made his followers kill mutants in the name of genetic cleansing and betray their entire race. Ultimate Magneto did, but not mainstream one.

He kills Harpoon with a crane before nearly passing out after killing Riptide. The rest move in to finish the job, recalling he’s nowhere near as powerful as he used to be. He still gets past there defenses, revealing that he’s already discovered how to do so through some metallic fluid that lets him drive it right into their brains because it’s the third time he’s done it. When they ask why he’s killing them when they are mutants, he proclaims they don’t fit his definition of mutant because of their actions.

As the comic ends it is revealed that by leaving Scalphunter alive he’s found another cell ready to be activated and can reprogram them to serve his will.

Okay, Review time…

Nice to see that the new girl is earning her keep already and the story is progressing, but the art work felt a little worse than usual on my eyes. I’ll call it a 4 out of 5.


All-New Ultimates #4 Review

Not exactly enthusiastic about this issue, but I’ll review it all the same. This is my review of All-New Ultimates #4.

The comic begins with the detective who was killed by having Styx lay hands on him waking up in the autopsy room and walking off into the streets. He promptly gets run over by a truck driver who had a gun and looked like he was committing a crime, besides the aforementioned hit-and-run, and falls into a sewer. This is the type of thing I would suspect in regular Marvel, but meh.

Meanwhile, the girls of the team decide to have a day out at Coney Island. Kitty’s naturally too famous to be wandering around, but she manages to play it off like she’s just a look-a-like, while Dagger secretly stops a criminal from getting away. The girls then chill out on the beach.

With the guys, Cloak is defending his turf from a few junkies while Miles and Ganke discuss how he got kissed by the villain who kicked his ass a few issues ago. That’s the last we see of them this issue as the girls talk about their love-lives next and Jessica drops the bombshell about being a clone of Peter Parker and that she has an interest in females, specifically redheads and Jewish girls. That ends when Lana gets a call from her boyfriend, who gets shot in the head minutes later. Second boyfriend of hers to bite the dust, I want to mention, as the next two pages cover a gang war going on between the various factions.

Lana goes home to check on him only to find him dead and get a face-full of Devil’s Dust from the Serpent Skulls, who came after them for breaking up the last deal. While under the effects of the powder she’s not in control of her actions and Diamondback plans on having her lead them to the rest of the team. Two of the men threaten to do unsavory things, but Diamondback cuts that shit out right there. She’ll kill, but she won’t tolerate that shit.

The comic ends with Lana crying as she stares helplessly at Poey’s corpse, about to be used as a tool to kill the rest of the New Ultimates.

Okay, review time…

Yeah, this issue is getting a hit from me. Not only was it boring, considering it was a downtime issue in the middle of an arc rather than the end, but we cut to what amounts to a Gang War going on everywhere and these guys are taking a day off!

Anyway, 3 out of 5 at best.


New Warriors #6 Comic Review

The comic opens with Water Snake leaving behind a page of what appears to be one of her hallucinations, only this page starts belching black smoke. It turns out to be a book of sins, written by an evil known as the Darkhold, and that page forms a small man from the smoke. You can tell this will be ominous filler at best and the real meat won’t be until later on.

Anyway, a mountain popping up in the middle of the city bay draws the attention of the Avengers, who were already on high alert from an energy burst over central Europe from the High Evolutionary’s Old Base. All this did was basically save them a trip as the mountain is in a half-phased state where they are there, but not there using techno-babble. At the same time we see the Inhumans are getting the blasted verbally by some construction workers in a tone reserved for Mutants while three of them plan on tracking down Mark Sim to take them to their master.

Back with Justice, he and Speedball are talking to Iron Man and Captain America about the situation while Thor is basically keeping the rest there until he receives order from the other two. Hummingbird pesters him to let her try and lift his hammer, Sun Girl wants to leave but he won’t let her, while Water Snake is seeing the munchkin and is the only one who can, so naturally when he does something to Thor to freak her out she hits him, starting the next brawl.

Justice and Speedball are in a different battle of sorts, where they have to defend their names as New Warriors. Iron Man says their brand is tarnished while Captain America says the two of them are more than welcomed at the Avengers tower, but the team should be folded into the Avengers. Justice denies it by saying they simply don’t trust the because, despite everything they did before and after Stamford, they don’t trust them, which makes Speedball ready to lay on the hurt judging from his hand behind his back.

It makes sense seeing as most people directly blame the New Warriors and Speedball personally for that, so hearing all that would naturally piss him off. Justice, however, tells them that while it would always be a part of the Warriors’ past, just like Civil War is theirs, they were there while the Avengers weren’t and he’d gladly be a Warrior rather than an Avenger and quits right there.

Can I take a moment to say, FUCK YEAH JUSTICE! I’m tired of everyone being folded into the Avengers. Congratulations, you’re my new favorite next to Scarlet Spider.

Anyway, back with Thor manhandling them so hard that it could be seen at the Avengers Tower, Scarlet Spider tells Hummingbird to deal with Water Snake, whose acting like she’s on a bad acid trip. Hummingbird notes that there’s bad stuff in her head and then does something so that the others can see the evil munchkin bugging her. It tries to possess Thor, but Aracely goes demigod of fire on it and turns it to ashes. By the time Justice and the others get there, Thor and the others are partying.

Later, in Brooklyn, Mark the Inhuman returns home to tell them about what he’s become, but the other Inhumans are there to bring him into their faction. They do this by blowing up his home as the comic ends.

Okay, Review Time…

This issue is mostly the aftermath of the last arc and the start of the new one. Quite frankly, I liked it a lot since it showed how much Justice values his team’s name. Anyone who stands up to Captain America and Iron Man on solid ground has earned that much respect from me. While the whole evil dwarf thing seemed contrived, I call it interesting filler and give the issue a 5 out of 5.


Amazing Spider-Man #3 Comic Review

Hey folk, it’s time for my review of our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man once more as he picks up the pieces of his shattered life in the wake of Otto taking his place for several months. Here’s my take on Amazing Spider-Man #3.

Our comic opens with Cindy, aka Silk, walking on the walls, bored out of her mind as she looks upon a photo of her younger brother, who she hadn’t seen in years. She obviously misses him and wonders just how much of his life she’s missed since she gained her powers. It’s enough to make her break down the steel door of the bunker she’s trapped inside and fish through the keycode combination until an auto-message plays telling her it’s for the best that she remains where she is. Silk concedes for the time being, although she’s clearly not happy being locked in.

Black Cat, on the other hand, is busy reflecting on her circumstances as she robs a penthouse. Thinking about how she lost all the things and respect she had, she muses she needs to make the Spider pay to get them back. Electro, in the meantime, can’t even sleep because his powers have gone out of control and starts a fire in a decrepit apartment complex.

On Peter’s side, his employees are working their asses off to get the Electro-Scanner finished ahead of time because they’ve seen what Otto was like when he was playing the role of Parker and don’t want to be on his bad side. To their confusion, he’s almost chipper and introduces Casual Friday, so they think he’s Bipolar. You can’t blame them.

Sanjay is just as confused, even though she was happy he announced they were done with Spider-Man, as to why they’ve suddenly switched gears. Anna Marie covers for him and decides to help Sanjay finish up Otto’s work because, Super-Villain or not, his brilliance deserves to be passed on. While it is still over her head, she’s got the robot butler of his to help her out.

At the scene of the fire Electro started, MJ’s boyfriend is being a Firefighter and saving lives when Peter arrives. He sends his men to gather data while he dons his costume. Black Cat watches on the News and decides to get on with her revenge while JJ is getting his own T.V. Show.

Peter and MJ’s boyfriend clear the building when Black Cat shows up. He tries to tell her it was Otto, but she doesn’t care. So he takes it a step further by acting like Otto to confuse her until she decides to even the numbers. Peter gets Ollie outside where MJ greets her new boyfriend and Peter states she was right in the best thing he can do is give her a shot at a normal life without him. He then goes back to his men, who Black Cat managed to steal both their wallets and the Electro-Scanner.

As the comic ends she tracks down Electro and decides the two of them need to work together if they’re going to get revenge.

Okay, Review time.

I liked this issue a lot. We got to learn more about Silk, including that she was separated from her family because of her powers. Maybe she was radiated by the spider while Peter wasn’t so they keep her locked up. Or the usual exploitative government thing.

Anna Marie was enthralled with Otto’s brilliance and is intent on seeing it carried on and she’s living up to the promise of helping Peter. I love this woman. Please don’t turn her into the next Doc Ock Marvel.

Anyway, 5 out of 5.


Avengers Undercover #6 Review

The comic opens with Deathlocket enjoying herself by shooting at her fellow villains as they play some perversion of Mario Kart, only she has a laser rather than a Blue Shell. Either way, she thinks to herself that she shouldn’t like this as much as she does, musing on how she should be a bookworm and how listening to her father never got her anywhere considering he turned her into what she was. As she finishes up Chase asks what she sees in the Shovel Boy that Molly beat the crap out of not too long ago, and she says she likes him for the same reason people like him: He knows how to have a good time and he’s sweet and uncomplicated.

Anyway, Chase tries to tell Deathlocket about the spy plan, but they have work to do and hop aboard a plane to A.I.M Island to trash some stuff. On the way over she’s nervous, but because Shovel Boy keeps complimenting her on being a badass, she feels it is sincere since he knows her. Chase sees her getting drawn into it and Shovel Boy, but has to waste time setting some mook on fire.

They get ready to enter into the enemy compound when one of the bad guys shoot a missile and close the exit, which also draws the attention of Captain America. Why he was there alone, I have no clue. But he starts poking around and rescuing one of the A.I.M mooks when Deathlocket gets a lock on him and can snipe him.

Now, here’s the crucible. Shovel Boy is telling her that she needs to take the shot because their friends are inside and Captain America is their enemy now. She knows damn well that a shot to the head will kill, but he insists. He’s the devil on her shoulder at this point, and his words made her take the shot.

The only reason it missed, besides plot, is because Chase is playing the angel on her other shoulder. He starts with knocking her off-shot, setting Shovel Boy on fire, and telling her she’s not supposed to get in this deep. He has to explain that she’s been getting too goo-goo eyed with her boyfriend, who is isolating her and bending her around his finger just like Apex did, and she needs to think for herself.

Then, of course, Shovel Boy gets in a back shot and the two throw down. Chase tells her to pick a side and before she realizes it she takes a shot. The comic ends with Chase bleeding out on the ground from the wound that she just gave him. Is shooting people still fun now, Rebecca?

Okay, review time.

So far this was a mostly Deathlocket-centric issue. She’s not my favorite character, but I do like that we’re getting a look into her mind and what she’s doing. Chase, on the other hand, is playing the role of the sane man, who is trying to stop her from following orders like some kind of love sick machine.

The art was nice. The plot moved. There will be repercussions once Nico finds out about this, so overall it gets a solid 5 out of 5.


Uncanny X-Men #22 Review

It’s time to bring the conflict between Bubblehead and both factions of the X-Men to a close as I give you my review of Uncanny X-Men #22!

The issue opens with Magneto bringing Dazzler to Triage, since Elixir is still missing. Emma and Magneto take a look at her and think that Mystique has gone too far, even compared to them at their worse. I can’t say since I wasn’t around for those times, but what matters is that Dazzler is healed and pissed off.

Meanwhile, in Westchester, the townspeople see what’s happening in the distance and figured it was only a matter of time before SHEILD came after the X-Men and decide to get out of the way. But not before Hijack lives up to his codename and hijacks someone’s car. The school is under attack and has to be abandoned while Maria Hill has to contact the Avengers and White House about this little screw up, as well as ordering Dazzler shot on sight for walking away with no proof she’s involved, which is illegal.

This is when their nuclear anti-mutant payload gets unleashed and they turn out to have even newer Sentinels. Yeah, good luck explaining that. See, you can’t trust SHIELD not to have weapons of genocide.

Anyway, before they all get wiped out, Hijack pulls a big damn heroes and stops the entire fleet from functioning. Although the sell-out was about to switch teams, I’m not question how he got to New York so quickly. What I am questioning is why his powers are working when we know for a fact that Bubblehead made the Blockbuster Sentinel immune to his powers before. I’m calling it an ass-pull, but it gets the job done as he has the Helicarrier open fire on the new killer robots.

The two teams gather as Cyclops and Beast go after the one responsible since his powers were being controlled by nanosentinels by Dark Beast… wait; didn’t Dark Beast get captured in the last issue of Astonishing X-Men, after Iceman froze a good part of the world over? I knew SHIELD couldn’t hold Mystique, but come on! And, as tempting as it is to assume that this is the cause of their broken powers, we all know that the nanosentinels don’t explain why Magik was forced into her dark-side form or why Colossus was screwy and the best Forge could whip up was some tech to keep him all metal, or Magneto, who could sense metal, not noticing.

Ass-pulls all around!

Anyway, the initial blast managed to damage his suit, killing him. But he left a bomb behind that Hijack takes care of. Thus the day is saved, minus the fact that Maria Hill will probably be fired considering that all of this happened on her watch, as Cyclops points out before Dazzler quits because Mystique managed to kidnap her on the Helicarrier and the X-Men were the ones who saved her.

Okay, review time.

Ummm, ass-pulls all around really take away from it all. Let’s be frank, I don’t care about Dark Beast being the one responsible because it’s a lighter ass-pull and… well, no one’s going to miss a version of Beast being dead.

But really, this cluster-fuck was manufactured to try and tie everything up in a neat little bow from the fact that Hijack was selling out to the other team and just so happen to be useful to having a familiar villain be killed off.

On one hand, it’s finally over. On the other, Mystique still got away and, while she lost her main source of MGH, she can always find some other mutant and hook them up to make more.

So… 3 out of 5.


All-New Ultimates #3 Review

Better late than never, here’s my review of All-New Ultimates #3!

Our story begins with Jessica being treated for her poison. It turns out that that mixture was meant to be lethal if her body wasn’t different from another person, so it was a close call in the end. Good thing Jessica knew someone willing to help an ex-SHIELD member. As she and Kitty make their way back, Kitty agrees to go patrolling with her next time.

While this is going on the masked dude from the last time goes out to buy a newspaper to see if he made the headlines putting bullets into gangsters. When the newspaper gets it wrong and assume it’s gang-related he decides that everyone would know his name, one way or another. Ego maniac on top of everything else does not make a good vigilante.

Meanwhile school’s out and Lana goes about asking around for her boyfriend, Poey, who should have been killed in Cataclysm or Lana was dating Sid at the same time she was dating Poey. Leaving the plot hole aside, it turns out he’s a drug dealer and Lana manages to sweet talk him into bringing her along for a re-up while Miles looks on.

At a coffee shop two of the minor characters who I didn’t pay much attention to are discussing the Skulls and the fact that Cloak and Dagger have been taking them down around the Westside Church. The only other thing of importance to note is that someone who supposedly got killed apparently walked out of the autopsy room.

Jessica and Kitty are out on patrol in the rain when they encounter the skull dude from before spray painting his name, Scourge, at the site of a kill. Jessica is still woozy, so she’s in no condition to help, leaving Kitty to go after him while she calls for back-up. Unfortunately the call comes in while Miles was spying on the deal with Lana there and grabs their attention. I’d like to point out how it was both stupid of him to have his phone on and question why he wasn’t in his camouflage mode. Did the writers just forget this or what?

Cloak and Dagger arrive to help Kitty chase the guy after he blinded her, but the sneaky bastard gets away. At the same time, Miles pretty much solos the drug bust, although he does get knocked around when some dude gets on his back because he seems to have forgotten his Venom Strike. Lana has to get her boyfriend out before she gets involved and helps him wrap things up before leaving with Poey to maintain her cover.

The comic ends with them all meeting up again and resolving to stick together.

Okay, review time….

So far I can’t really say I like the comic. The art is… stable, so I won’t take points off for that. But at times the characters do things that they should know better on and continuity errors. Poey, for example, should know about her powers since he was the one who wouldn’t let her come over when she was being chased by Cloak and Dagger in Ultimate Spider-Man when Miles got back in the game.

It gets a 3 out of 5.


Avengers Undercover #5 Review

Okay, time to see who joins the bad guy in Issue #5 of Avengers Undercover!

The issue picks up right after Zemo’s offer to join him and the other villains. Since this is a big decision he decides to wait until breakfast for them to decide whether they are in or out, letting his captains show them around the city. Constrictor takes Chase and Deathlocket, Daimon takes Cullen and Nico, and the rest go with Madame Masque.

Nico and Cullen go to Hell Town, where dark wizards and monsters live in four blocks of Hellstrom Manor. There Cullen shows that Daimon summoned a cage of hellfire to help him release the soul demon bonded with him. While there Daimon tells her to stop beating herself up over trying to kill him because they all understand she was just trying to protect her own and states that she’s wallowing in misery while he’s stopped pretending he’s not a monster.

At Constrictor’s Snake Pit…really, that’s what it’s called? No creativity. Anyway, Chase is having a blast playing Basketball while Excavator explains that he and his friends mostly do simple work, destroying stuff for an hour and then spending the rest of the time doing whatever they want. Deathlocket finds this dumb, but thinks she needs some dumb in her life.

Madame Masque doesn’t take her kids far. She basically tells them that Hazmat, Cammi, and Axbro were natural leaders, which meant they can live like her and get anything they wanted. She doesn’t try very hard to convince them to take the offer since they seem smart enough to realize they’ve been offered the world on a gold plate. The three realize that they’re being played, but the options are limited to join the bad guys or go to jail, but Hazmat states who heroes go nuts all the time and avoid prison (except for Cyclops apparently) so if they did something to make them heroes again they could get away.

Nico, on the other end, gets involved in some Demon MMA and finds it cathartic. Then a demon hits her and she goes nuts on it and beats it senseless with her witch-arm until she snaps out of it and flees. Daimon chases after her and, after she fears she’s become no better than her parents, he resurrects her ex-boyfriend Alex Wilder…who should be wearing all white and be in limbo. I have mixed feelings about this.

They all meet up again, except for Deathlocket being smitten with Excavator and Cullen, who has already gone evil, and the leadership trio tell Chase and Nico their plan about going undercover to get their hero credit back. Obviously they haven’t thought this out well, and Chase complains he never wanted to go down there in the beginning, Cammi tells him they are stuck between a rock and a hard place, and to pick.

At breakfast Zemo gets his answer. They all are in, except Cammi who leaves to go take care of her mother. Zemo says they should respect that her decision was to leave, but she gets taken down by Constrictor as the comic ends.

Okay review time.

So this is where they decided to go Undercover. It’s… going to end badly. Hero or not, the world already sees them as damaged goods so this won’t get them out of jail either way, so this will fail in the end.

Admittedly we could see they were being played, but they really didn’t have a choice. Cammi was offered up for that reason, to show what would have happened otherwise. Still, at least we’ve reached the starting line and I can’t wait to see where it goes, so 5 out of 5.

 


New Warriors #5 Review

Late and last but still here, it’s my review of New Warriors #5.

The comic opens up in the aftermath of the battle, with two figures musing on it from the shadows while playing chess and stating that the when the Celestials come everyone will die, but this mysterious figure can stop them as it is older than the space gods once freed from its prison and the New Warriors will be the instruments to do so..

The New Warriors, in the mean time, are cleaning up the mountain they were brought to when they faced off against the Lord High Evolutionary while trying to get home. At least half the team are anyway, Justice, Namora, and Scarlet Spider. Justice presses both Scarlet Spider and Namoria’s buttons by comparing them to their counterpart (Kaine) and insisting that Namora is their ally Namorita, Him being bossy isn’t doing wonders for team unity, especially not when Namora is hallucinating some horror movie stuff involving hanging corpses of the team.

Sungirl, Speedball, and Hummingbird go down into the village to check on the people there, and Hummingbird uses her powers to pick up a new language and that these mountains are apparently haunted. So much weird stuff happens that they don’t even bother getting freaked out anymore. Speedball decides that it’s time for a lunch break then.

We then switch back and forth between Justice and Speedball’s recruiting attempts. Justice is having a harder time because not only are they dealing with an anthropomorphic cat person trying to claw them to death, but Scarlet Spider and Namora just aren’t interested. Speedball pretty much acts hyped up in getting the lowdown on his three, right up until Hummingbird starts asking improper questions like does Speedball still cuts himself from his time as Penitence. It turns out from her point of view he looks like he does back then, because of his self-loathing and her powers, making it awkward as hell.

Eventually the fighting ends when they corner the cat person and, before Scarlet Spider can get to stabbing it, a dog person begs them to spare them. Turns out they were New Men, created by Lord High Evolutionary until he decided to kill them all and the two of them escaped. The cat, Felinatus, is kind of a dick, but Cannus manages to convince Scarlet Spider not to kill him by the time the rest of the team arrives.

They’re all ready to leave and the dog person knows how to work the teleporter, but they end up transporting the entire mountain to New York as the comic ends, so you can guess the Avengers might have some questions about that next time.

Okay, review time.

Just dealing with the fallout of last issue, we get some tidbits about what the future holds and the secrets of the other characters. Speedball is still broody and dark despite his act, something Aracely finds attractive. Namora has some kind of dark magic related past involving sacrifice, and Kaine is…well, Kaine.

An okay issue at 3 out of 5, would have been 4 if the art didn’t suck.


Magneto #5 Review

A short and late review is better than no review at all as I cover Magneto Issue #5.

The comic begins Magneto pondering that there was comfort in basic activities, living an ordinary life. But because he’s the Master of Magnetism he doesn’t find any comfort in it like the flock of sheep normal people are, merely that he’s wearing a mask at present and the people around him will become causalities once he takes it off. That’s why he likes small towns, less people die when he goes on the war path… at least that would be the case if he believed that he can be redeemed, but in truth it gives him a chance to recover away from prying eyes.

Except there’s one nosy lady who gets involved in his business and he corners her in an alleyway. She, Briar Raleigh, claims to be a friend who wants to help him and knows about his mountain base. Since she knows that eventually he’s going to go berserk on people again and it’s only a matter of time, she wants to keep him busy by giving him targets to go after that she knows he would want. She even knows his favorite Brandy, so she’s been stalking him for some time.

Briar reveals she has information on even the SHIELD Taskforce assembled to take him down and the Marauders. She tells him that she knows he’s going to war again, and she won’t stop him. She just wants to make sure that only the ones he’s targeting are the causalities, rather than innocent people like she was.

As the comic ends we get a flashback to the aftermath of one of Magneto’s rampages in what looks like Seattle, where Briar’s family was killed and her leg was damaged. He sees her as a shepard of the flock of people, and muses should he let her live.

Okay, review time…

So, like the other chapters we deal with the aftermath of Magneto’s rampages, only this time we have someone who was crippled by him. It’s interesting to see that Briar should hate this man with a passion, but instead she’s helping him out. She’s figured that he’s going to keep being who he is and the only thing she can do is to help minimize the number of people who have suffered for it by giving him a guiding hand.

She doesn’t like him, but it seems like she isn’t letting her personal feelings get in the way of something she deems important. And then she apparently has decent detective skills to get all that information, so she’s got my respect.

Despite lacking action, I give the issue a solid 5 out of 5.


All-New X-Factor 9 Review

A day late and a dollar short, but here’s my review of All-New X-Factor # 9!

Our story starts with two men monitoring a random woman in ways that not even SHIELD gets to, invading her privacy and watching as she changes. Although at least one of them has the decency to act better, they’ve apparently been doing this for years without her knowing. Yes, it is disturbing. But anyway, what they were sure was going to be a boring day turns interesting when the X-Factor crew shows up on her doorstep with Georgina and they decide to call in their boss.

The comic then picks up in the aftermath of what happened last issue, with Snow furious about what happened. He has that right, they’re his team and they broke five or six laws while on his payroll without even telling him. We’ll just pretend he isn’t violating her rights with his eye-camera. But as mad is he is, he doesn’t break up the team and just asks them to inform him of shit like this so he can get a say in rather than having to take a matter transporter over to save their asses.

Georgina isn’t all that happy with her circumstances and Cypher and Danger don’t exactly make her feel better, despite their best efforts. But Gambit, who said nothing the plane ride over while thinking how messed up that last mission was, gets a thanks and a hug. This is enough to make Cypher jealous and push past him on the way out, but Gambit decides to let it slide and go drinking, where he runs across Angela and the flirting starts over drinks.

Meanwhile Georgina gets a tour of the place and at the Computer Center the crazy guy there decides to go an experiment on her and has his computer bite her. Her DNA is taken and then the computer brings up her personal history to a level that, again, SHIELD wishes they had. Including the fact that she’s adopted and her actual mother is still alive.

Georgina wants to go visiting, which Quicksilver supports and if they deny her the right he says he’d run her over to Dakota in minutes (since when he’s carrying someone else he has to drop the speed or turn them to dust). Harrison calms them down by saying they can take the plane in the morning and Cypher does the same thing he did to Gambit to Quicksilver since Georgina hugged him.

The next morning we spy Gambit after having gotten laid last night with Angela when Linda walks in and reveals that he just slept with his Boss’s wife. Now, to be fair, he didn’t know and neither the husband nor the wife seems to know the definition of faithful. But this won’t end well.

We then pick up from where the comic began with Georgina’s mother happy to see her and inviting her in. This happiness lasts about thirty seconds before Georgina’s father shows up, her birth father, and levels the place. He goes by the name Memento Mori and kidnaps his daughter as the comic ends. What a dick.

Okay review time…

An overall okay transitional issue. No complaints really, but where the hell did Cypher’s crush on the girl who turned him into a mummy come from? Was being alone in that cabin for so long enough to make him go with the girl closest to his age range?

A 4 out of 5 solid issue.


Miles Morales: Ultimate Spider-Man #2

Our story begins with Norman Osborn returning to his defunct company, Oscorp, only to find his office robbed of almost everything important except for a picture of a stallion. Why this sole painting was left hanging isn’t clear, but it’s revealed to have hidden a retinal scanner that leads to a secret lab that must’ve been operating with one massive hidden power source given the lights work after over two years. He finds whatever he’s looking for there and gets to working on whatever he has in mind for the next issue.

Meanwhile Miles touches Peter in ways that are almost inappropriate while trying to figure out how he’s alive. Peter keeps asking for the web-shooters and states that he’ll leave once he gets them, but Miles calls his ass out on why he hasn’t told anyone he’s alive. The fact that this guy tries to skirt the issue alone is sending up alarm bells.

Eventually Peter tries to take them and gets a reflexive Venom Blast for his trouble, which if he had his Spider-Sense he would have dodged because it takes about three seconds to work on contact. Then again it worked on 616-Peter…anyway, he shakes it off long enough to knock Miles on his ass and then knocks him out, taking them while he was out cold. When Miles gets up he thinks to himself that it must be a clone, which honestly isn’t that far of a stretch when you consider that Scorpion is still around as far as we know, and runs off to tell Ganke.

The imposter Spider-Men show up at a Stark facility and beat the crap out of the guards while bantering with each other, with one guard calling for back-up. He comes out when the rest are down and tells them he doesn’t get paid enough to get his ass-kicked and just tells them to take what they came for. They tell him to help get something from the boat labeled “Latveria”, which can’t be good.

Miles and Ganke talk about the Peter Parker he just ran into, with Miles dropping the bomb on Ganke that Jessica is a female clone. The boy thinks Peter must have had a great tush. Puberty hit him hard given how he seems to go after every hot older woman he knows. Anyway they discuss the merits of telling May about this or not, since she’s been so good to him and through so much pain that he doesn’t want to trouble her if he’s wrong. It doesn’t help that Jessica’s phone is off.

The discussion derails the moment Miles’ girlfriend shows up. Both of them suck at lying, so she quickly figures something is wrong and asks if he’s breaking up with her. The comic ends as he decides to just come clean.

Okay, review time.

Not much progress other than the fact that “Peter” is being secretive and kind of a dick, shocker. Good art though. I’ll give it a 4 out of 5 for the time being.


The Amazing Spider-Man #2 Comic Review

Well, the re-launch of Peter Parker’s story has started off strong, but can it keep its momentum? Find out in my review of The Amazing Spider-Man #2!

The comic begins with a young woman in a closed room watching videos of old spider-man fights to study his moves. Since she’s capable of using natural webbing like Ultimate Jessica Drew, it’s safe to assume she’s Silk. She even knows his secret identity, which doesn’t make sense if she was affected by the same spell that put up a psychic blind-spot, but maybe after he broke the spell she recalled someone else being bitten and put two and two together again.

Then we go back to where it left off last issue, with Anna asking why Peter didn’t tell her he was Spider-Man. In what must be the smartest thing that I’ve seen when it comes to secret identities, he comes clean about the situation with Doc Ock. She… takes it better than I expected, mainly by closing up her emotions and diving into cooking to think about everything logically. Peter wonders just how far Otto has screwed up his life once more as he gets a call from the Avengers stating they need to talk.

With Electro, he goes to lay low with a woman who seems infatuated with him. He explains that since he accidentally destroyed the prison while trying to spring the other bad guys none of them want to help him out and that his powers were screwed up. She likes the danger, so she’s probably one of those monster fan-girls you hear about.

At the Avengers Tower Peter explains once more that he was possessed by Otto, who changed his web formula so he has to wear pants out since his webbing underwear still won’t come off and he has to pee. And he brought cookies, which are the best thing they’ve apparently tasted. The medical scan comes clean and things seem to look up until Captain America reveals he knew Flash had Venom, which Peter was offended at finding out last since Flash is someone close to him and Venom is like a jilted ex-girlfriend with yandere tendencies.

As much as I like Captain America getting knocked around he does state that Flash had a secret identity like him and fair is fair. He also states he understands what it’s like to wake up and find the world’s changed so much and he’s trusting Peter to watch over the place while they go deal with the prison break and to get rid of those baggy pants. When he goes back to his lab to do that he finds that their rollout project’s glitch has gotten worse and since he’s not an expert in cybernetics like Otto was he begs for help inside his head.

Cue Anna coming in and making me realize why I like her so much.

She gets some privacy with Peter by lying about being pregnant, at least I’m hoping she was lying, and explains that she understands the cybernetics since Otto explained it to her so many times and can teach him since that was her last job as a T.A. before she left it to work with them. Then, after Electro accidentally kills the girl when she kisses him despite his warnings, she tells him where the dissolvent for the web fluid is and she’d cover for him, as well as getting to be his roommate until she can find a place of her own.

She earned that raise alright. Best character to come out of Superior Spider-Man barring Otto himself.

Peter goes out to confront Electro and learn once more that Otto has screwed him over by experimenting with Electro’s powers. He’s not the only one who’s been screwed over as we learn that the Human Torch is depowered at the moment in the audience and Black Cat is next to him and used her luck powers to stop Electro from being shorted out as repayment for freeing her from the prison.

Peter meets up with Johnny Storm later on and learns that Iron Man spread the word about him being Doc Ock for a time and they make up. Their time together even gives Peter an idea on how to use his newly founded company, namely building a new super-prison and depowering Electro as the comic ends.

Okay, review time.

Well, I liked the issue a lot. While I would prefer Peter ask why the hell it took so long for them to figure out Doc Ock was inside his body, he pretty much got word around to most people in the Avengers line. But he’s still dealing with the fallout in the form of Electro and Black Cat, who probably won’t care. Most of all, I like how Anna is dealing with this rationally despite how damn much it must hurt.

5 out of 5 folks. Buy it.


All-New X-Factor #8 Review

Well, that was interesting last time. Now it’s time to see what’s going to happen to Doug after he was desiccated by the pie-loving young woman. This is my review of X-Factor #8.

The story picks up where it left off with Cypher a dried out husk of himself and the rest of the team stunned at how pie-girl is so disconnected from what she did it was like she didn’t know it was wrong. Danger breaks the tension by asking what sort of pie, which gets the ball rolling with Warlock ready to murder her as her father gets the door open with men and guns at the ready.

Polaris pretty much drags him inside, locks the rest out, and force him to admit he’s told his daughter a huge-ass lie. Turns out he’s kept her so locked out of the real world that she believes the majority of people in the world have powers and the few who didn’t worked with her father. Wow, I’m more amazed at the fact he managed to pull that sort of lie off for years than anything else.

Anyway , the police show up and they need her to fix Cypher, but like most mutants who didn’t get training she has very little idea on how to reverse her power but can try if she can get some water. Danger and Warlock clear a path while they make for the kitchen so she can try and reverse it while her father tells her he was just trying to protect her… to be fair, as far as bigots go he’s nowhere near the worst in having a mutant kid.

Rahne’s father straight-up beat and tried to kill her. Not saying its right, but it could have been worse.

In the kitchen she explains she normally drains moisture out of things, which she learned by killing her first kitten by accident, and her father started home-schooling her. She’s going to get as much moisture in her as she can and then put that into him the same way she took it out. Her father points out that it could possibly kill her and Gambit jacks him up and demands to know how could he rail against mutants knowing his daughter was one.

He states he didn’t know when she was born and that she was god’s punishment on him. Gambit points out that maybe the big man was trying to tell him something, but he reasons that maybe god was a dick and just wanted him to hate him as well. Mission accomplished there, but he doesn’t hate the girl since she’s his late wife’s legacy. Gambit must also be off his game, because he gets kicked off by Georgina’s dad and only his daughter telling him to let her try this and if it fails and she dies she’ll have a one-on-one talk with god about it gets him to settle down for a moment.

Once the moment passes Quicksilver takes him and sits him down elsewhere only for men with tracer bullets that would follow him to the ends of the earth to threaten opening fire on him. Never mind the fact that he could probably trap them in a steel box or knock their tracer mechanism out with a pipe or just hide behind a steel wall and let them shatter to pieces unless they’re made of adamantium. Fortunately Harrison Snow shows up out of nowhere to prevent even more ammo from being wasted and takes Scott to discuss this in private like they’re old friends. Quicksilver and the head bodyguard are just as confused as we are.

While Georgina succeeds in reviving Cypher, the police decide to try sniping them. Polaris hijacks their guns and gives them thirty seconds before she opens fire. Her father wouldn’t have given them even that, so they wisely decide to leave as Cypher offers to take Georgina to the JGS when Danger ruins the sales-pitch by pointing out they train to fight evil mutants, risk their lives, and die repeatedly.

She runs like any sane person would as Warlock basically confirm it. To be fair, Danger and Warlock aren’t lying. There are only a handful of X-Men who haven’t died and aren’t wallpaper yet. When her dad is in a meeting she uses her powers to bring the door crumbling down and we learn that he and Harrison Snow want her to go with him.

It’s damn heartbreaking as he tells her that he loved his daughter and when she became a mutant she was just some thing that replaced her. He can’t even face her as he says it while Snow is looking nonchalant about it. As the comic ends it’s made clear that Snow forced him to say it and he’s driven to near tears while alone….

Okay, review time.

Yeah… I’m starting to think Harrison might be evil. He’s taking the man’s daughter as a hostage (come on, even though they didn’t say it we all know that’s what it is). That being said, the fact that he knew where his team was and managed to get inside the locked-down building brings up questions.

Either way, he did bail them out of trouble that they had no business getting involved with. Like I said in my last review they broke a ton of laws that you can’t do when part of a corporate super-hero team and Harrison straight-up Mafia’d them out of trouble to probably save his own ass.

Other than that, I find myself somewhat sympathizing with the man. Don’t get me wrong, I hate bigots in Marvel and if he was a Purifier I would be rooting for someone to put him down. But he’s having his daughter taken away from him because of whatever dirt Snow has on him and the alternative would have somehow been worse. He gets some pity from me… only some, not a lot.

The fact that the comic could make me feel anything like that deserves a 4 out of 5 and only misses a perfect score because the artwork hurts my eyes.


Magneto #4 Review

Magneto’s hunt for those responsible for the poor-man’s omega sentinels has come to an end, but his task isn’t done in protecting mutant-kind. So today we take a moment to look into why he fights once more in this review of his solo series 4th issue.

The story begins with Magneto walking through a pristine and isolated mountain forest. He states he chose that spot because it reminds him that the world is much bigger than the war he’s fighting and had his youth not been stolen from him he may have enjoyed taking a break in the wilderness. Then he opens a lock hidden in a tree with his powers and reveals that he has a secret base in the mountain. Apparently he hadn’t been there in a few years but came back after his latest mission.

Not the omega sentinels one of course. We cut to a scene where a school bus carrying mutants is heading to a remote farm. The seemingly jerkass humans taking them there make many references to god and how they’re better off ignorant of what awaits them, so it goes without saying they’re Purifiers. Naturally Magneto would have words with them and you discover just how brutally he can murder someone with barbed wire. Broken powers my ass.

Turns out that farm they were taking those kids to was a research facility and many dead bodies are laid about as Magneto strolls through to find dissected mutant kids who were taken apart and had their powers cataloged before they were killed. Yeah, I don’t care how you sugarcoat this or dress it up with religion the Purifiers are fucking monsters worse than most of the villains in Marvel.

Therefore, rather than pointing out their hypocrisy on calling out Magneto killing ‘innocents’ when they do shit like this, I point out the dumbasses thought to do it in metallic armor while confronting someone who could control metal. The fight is more of a slaughter, as it always has been, and while he claims they fight because of misguided faith I claim they did it because they got off on killing mutants and it let them get out their violent urges while waving a banner of religion as their shield.

Back in that mountain base it turns out that Magneto has the names of thousands of mutants killed before their time with each one to serve as a scar and fuel his rage. As he adds dozens more to the list from dealing with that last mission, it’s clear that this is a memorial and the first of many. But the rest of the memorials are carved in the blood of his enemies and on their graves to remind him of how small the world is in the face of his rage because of things like this as the comic ends.

Okay, review time…

I hate the Purifiers. Let that be known. Monsters and villains with ambitions are better than these sanctimonious pricks and makes for a damn good reason why Magneto does what he does.

Art-wise the comic is about the same as always, but what moves this story is the plot and the message sent as Magneto adds those names to the list of countless others. 5 out of 5 is my score for this.


Uncanny X-Men #21 Review

And we’ve reached a turning point in Uncanny X-Men #21 folks! Read this review for my thoughts on the matter!

The story picks up where it left off with Cyclops blasting the JGS staff as his powers run out of control until he passes out. Naturally things go from bad to worse as Magik goes Dark Childe and summons a dragon. Storm puts them both down with a bolt of lightning and the group needs to decide what to do with the two as Beast says he’ll handle it. Part of me was cheering that Beast may have been done in by the blast, but it was false hope. Maybe he’ll try to redeem himself by not being a douche-bag, but he doesn’t even get a chance as Mystique wearing Dazzler’s skin has come for the two of them with SHIELD backing her in Helicarriers.

Wait, back up a page. How the hell does Storm know that Magik has Limbo inside of her? She shouldn’t know that unless her daughter from the future told her, and I’d like to have seen that on-panel or at least an admission. And why the hell is Quentin in his bathrobes outside in the rain? Plot-holes!

Uh…anyway, back in Madripoor we have the Blob earning respect the only way you can in the place: kicking the shit out of everyone else in a bar brawl. Like he said, he was an original brotherhood member and he will be respected. But naturally his drug-gained powers fail and he needs his next fix, so like all junkies who know where the source of their drugs come from he goes to get some fresh from it.

He leads Magneto straight to Dazzler, who rightfully points out Mystique has made him a druggie and he should be ashamed. Magneto does not tolerate mutants being exploited for MGH and given the rampage he’s been on in his own series, the only reason Blob is still alive is because they’ve known each other so long. Magneto frees her and they both set out to go fuck up Mystique’s plans.

Back at the JGS it comes as no surprise Maria Hill is there and wants Cyclops. She’s got the hots for him and this is a chance she doesn’t want to pass on. But, since having something wrong with him could potentially back fire while in bed, she gives Beast an hour to see what the hell he can do to fix it, much to the shock of Mystique-Dazzler. They don’t have five minutes before Helmet Head, who I now suspect is a future student of Beast’s from his dialogue, takes control of their Helicarriers and open fire.

Beast, in another moment of shocking competence, tells Storm to take the battle head-on and keep the school intact while he figures out who is responsible by examining Cyclops and Magik. Man, getting chewed out by the Watcher did some damn good after all. Too bad he got shot. As for Maria Hill, SHIELD once more proves their incompetence as they explain they’ve been compromised (again) and Storm brings down the lightning on them.

We then have a brief cut to the NXS school, where the kids have been looking all over for Emma. Her daughters don’t even need to read her mind to know she’s worried and annoyed for Cyclops since he left without her, like you would expect from an ex-girlfriend who isn’t out to ruin your life because you broke up with her. This is a rarity, of course. She says she can feel something is wrong and just as she does something in the sky comes falling down towards them.

The JGS sends out a message for the students to get to the emergency bunker as Quire reads Maria’s head to try and figure out why they’re attacking and Mystique-Dazzler is just walking away. Meanwhile Beast still proves himself a douche-bag by talking trash to an unconscious man he’s known his entire mutant career, but he does say he knows who is responsible just as the Helmet Head tells him it’s time to show him who’s the smarter one as the comic ends.

Fucking teasers! Would it have killed them to just say the guy’s name in the last panel so people could rail about it! Stop dragging it out, Marvel!

Ahem… okay, review time.

The art was not to my liking but sadly was standard for this series, which is a damn shame considering how All-New X-Men is goddamn beautiful. Even worse is the fact that the pages are a jumbled mess to me as they cut away at the worst times. They couldn’t have done the NXS scene before the scene with Maria appearing?

The plot is moving, so there’s that, but I can’t give this more than a 3 out of 5.


All-New Ultimates #2 Review

A bit late, but here’s my review of All-New Ultimates #2.

The story starts with the battle still underway and the New Ultimates are in their first dust-up gone wrong and turned into a mess. It quickly turn into the Serpent Skulls versus everyone else and they’ve got numbers on their side. I see a lot of issues in the fight alone, namely Miles getting hit by an opponent who isn’t faster than him while he has Spider-Sense. He shouldn’t be touched at all in this fight, although he’s still inexperienced, neither should Jessica have gotten jabbed by a needle. They been in goddamn war and came out better than this.

Anyway, the fight ends abruptly when SWAT shows up. Diamondback, who seems to have a thing for younger men in spider outfits kisses Miles goodbye as Cloak pulls the rest of the group out of there and back to their base in Hell’s Kitchen, where Cloak is down for the count because of Styx’s touch while Lana flat-out quits because apparently her powers weren’t working during the fight properly and she nearly got killed. They seemed fine to me, but she knows her body better I guess.

Back with the police in the alley, they’re summing up the situation with the only causalities being Styx and the police he grabbed, while someone wearing a hobo mask kills Stone out of what they claimed was justice. Given his experiments led to this, the guy is probably another victim. The Serpent Skulls themselves also note just how big a mess that brawl was and decide to move things faster and quicker since the police and the super kids are working at different angles, but because some other gang is knocking off their own they‘ve decided to just kill all the other gangs to show them what a kill sweep is.

We then go through a series of panels showing that Jessica was poisoned and tells Kitty, who decided she would join in, to call someone for help as she passes out, Miles is recovering from his own ass-whipping with an ice-pack while Cloak seems to be having trouble with his powers, Dagger is stretching, the guy who killed Stone is killing more people in the name of justice, the cop who got hit by Styx died and Lana’s boyfriend stood her up… again, didn’t her boyfriend get crushed by a car?

The comic ends there.

Okay, review time.

I’m not going to lie. This comic isn’t meeting my expectations, but since it’s the first arc I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt. But, while Miles is technically still a rookie, Jessica shouldn’t have gotten her ass-kicked like that. Kitty joining the team felt forced.

Issue gets a 3 out of 5.

 


Avengers Undercover #4 Review

In the last issue of Avengers Undercover Hazmat claimed revenge for Mettle by frying Arcade to death. This issue deals with the fallout of cold-blooded murder when you don’t have ties to the Avengers despite the name to bank off the movie that was released. This is my review of Avengers Undercover #3.

The story picks up where we left off, with the kids standing over Arcade’s remains. Well, the dust from his bones anyway. Cammi, being savvy enough to realize that Arcade was an ego-maniac and was probably filming their rematch, asks Deathlocket if she managed to get the extra cameras no doubt hidden around. When she states she probably didn’t it was safe to say it was time to go.

Ax-bro asks if Hazmat is alright as they flee and she states she snapped but she’s well enough so they can fight their way out through the corpses and other murder-addicted clients. Cullen doesn’t see why they need to rush, but Cammi states they violated several laws including watching as Hazmat put him down, which counts as pre-meditated murder even if only one of them did it. And Chase is slightly more jerkass-ish, but that character assassination is par the course since Avenger Arena and sadly I’ve gotten used to it.

Needless to say Cammi is right since SHIELD, who couldn’t find Arcade any other time to this point, manages to drop in right when they are about to escape. And suddenly they’re able to take down Cullen when he just went through wiping out their Brazil base and Nico? Come on.

Hours later they’re all in a containment facility where their friends and family are visiting, except for Deathlocket’s anyway. Ax-bro gets a lecture from his old man, Cullen and his sister argue, Stryker and Finesse visit Hazmat, Molly is blaming Nico for all of this to Chase while Karolina is greeting Nico. Where the hell is Victor and Old Lace in this? I get they probably couldn’t sneak the dinosaur on-board, but what’s the grandson of Hank Pym’s excuse for not seeing his ex-girlfriend in lock-up other than trying to get him to flash his Avengers card and give them the option of going to Avengers Academy or prison?

The above panels are mere bubbles while the meat of the dialogue is between Cammi and her mother. Her mother doesn’t blame them, like me she believes Arcade had it coming and is willing to fight tooth and nail to get her out. Cammi doesn’t want her to and just wants her to focus on taking care of herself, but her mother sees Cammi as the only thing in her life worth something and she’s not letting anyone take her away. Truly, the most heart-warming moment in this issue…

Of course then SHIELD proves to be incompetent and Daimon warps them all out in like three seconds flat. There’s the incompetence I remember. The son of Satan escorts them to Tower Zemo, where the more savvy of the kids note all this seemed planned out while Ax-Bro once again asks Hazmat if she’s hanging in there while Nico chats with Daimon on spell-working until they reach the banquet hall.

Zemo is there and basically states they live in a world where the average joe can live how he likes but people with powers need to ether cover it up or play heroes, not for personal gain. Now, I want to say he’s wrong. But technically speaking I can’t, because in almost every superhero story you read someone looking out for themselves with their powers will either be called out on it, turned into a villain, or seem like a selfish jerk.

For example Spider-man let a robber go past him once because he wasn’t a cop and thus not obligated, yet Uncle Ben dies to teach him a ‘lesson’ about with great power and responsibility. Come on, the chances of that happening were slim to none if they didn’t want to push him into being a hero. That’s part of the reason I liked Otto and Kaine more than Peter at present and I hope when they introduce Silk into Amazing Spider-Man.

…Okay, I didn’t mean to but that sounded like a plug…

Anyway, the kids tell him to skip straight to the point. He states he’s not asking them to do evil, but they have potential that can’t be realized in the normal world (again, he has a point) and asks that they join them as the comic ends.

Okay, review time.

First off since when is SHIELD competent enough to have a sorcery division? Even if Zemo somehow set it up, and I’m not doubting it, that seems both bullshit and contrived at best. Don’t they have someone else’s lives to fuck up?

Next, it really seems like they’re trying to push Axbro and Hazmat together with all this concern he’s showing her. I get someone needs to play mediator and councilor, but they could have just as easily have had Deathlocket ask her. Please, please, don’t force it Marvel. If it happens, it happens, but don’t force it until we feel like we’re being strangled with the red string.

Last is the recruitment offer at the end. In my opinion, if the title didn’t spoil the whole premise of the book, I can see Hazmat, Cullen, and Deathlocket agreeing off-hand. Hazmat’s stint in Avengers Academy was because she was a potential villain and she wasn’t all that close to her parents before all this so she has no real strong ties left, Deathlocket was accepted there with ease rather than being in a SHIELD lab and she doesn’t seem to have any family while Cullen’s already made his case.

Ax-bro would probably go to keep an eye on Hazmat and Cullen, but Nico, Chase, and Cammi are not as likely. Nico and Chase rebelled against their parents because they were criminals, but they’ve lost their loved ones and Chase did go somewhat villainous after Gert died. If the solicits about Alex Wilder coming back is true, then him and Gert are incentives to join up.

Cammi is the token good-teammate. She’s obviously going to have to be pushed into it. She and Ax-bro are probably the ones who consider this undercover thing in the first place.


New Warriors #4 Review

The final issue in the opening arc of New Warriors has arrived and with it the team is all together. Let’s do this review!

The comic opens months ago when the last surviving Evolutionary and the Lord High Evolutionary are compelled to Ethiopia by a being that tells them that their blasphemy in trying to artificially evolve humans and defend mutant-kind by wiping out humanity isn’t doing the trick. Whoever this mystery person is tells them to start working together so that when the Celestials come humanity will turn into something great.

In the present the Evolutionary has had enough after Nova came back to get himself caught, idiot, and tells his partner in crime that they won’t stop until they’ve destroyed everything. He ultimately agrees and tells him to do it quickly since their sins aren’t of their own making. Sanctimonious douche-bag thinks he’s above good and evil as long as humans survive, but at least he’s less of a douche-bag that the sub-human in a blue suit..,

Anyway, that’s when the rest of the New Warriors arrive and they gloss over how with the use of a nameless magician using a magic spell. Lazy, lazy, writing….and why the hell isn’t the Inhuman wearing a shirt? That outfit is horrible.

Anyway, Justice opens with diplomacy but when Nova tells him that he’s going to kill mostly everybody the fight gets rolling. The Evolutionary, still sore about the X-Men turning on them after M-Day, goes straight for the only Mutant of the group, but Justice handles him and tells Sun Girl to free the rest. She hesitates when she thinks Kaine is Spider-Man, Otto really disappointed her, but her aim somehow manages to not hit them and Aracely is giddy to be fighting alongside actual heroes because that means she gets to be one too.

The fight breaks out with Namora giving Aracely some tips, Nova and Speedball double-teaming some mooks while Kaine tells Justice they need to split, and Sun Girl is hiding behind Mark…who turns into some kind of Sabertooth Dragon Beast after absorbing enough energy and starts chomping down on more mooks.

The High Evolutionary decides to cut his losses and activate a machine that he fed the samples of their DNA into. Turns out it’s designed to kill anyone with powers or inhuman-DNA and cripples most of the team (and would have killed them outright if he had Nova’s helmet) meaning only Sun Girl is left unharmed. The High Evolutionary makes it clear he’s not enjoying this, but for humanity to survive the coming of the Celestials the rest need to die.

She tells him to screw himself, blast through him to get to the machine and destroy it. He’s mad, for once, but cuts his losses again as he and the Evolutionary Leader leave. So it counts as a victory and Justice says the New Warriors will stop them if they start again, to which every single one of them says no except Aracely.

The comic ends with the High Evolutionary feeling this was only a setback, but because they are the samples this was meant to be and they would eventually succeed by killing the New Warriors. The second Evolutionary War had begun.

Okay, Review time….

No complaints overall. It wrapped up the opening arc beautifully. There was some good moments and funny moments, and despite my harsh tone I really did like it.

5 out of 5.


Magneto #3 Comic Review

Magneto’s finally found the people responsible for making the poor-man’s version of the Omega Sentinels and now he’s going to make them pay in issue #3. There’s surprisingly little bloodshed, but I still enjoyed it. This is my review.

Our comic opens up at the tent city from last issue, where the SHIELD douche-bags have arrived to kick everyone out of it since Magneto went waltzing through and leaving bodies. Leaving aside the fact that the police were probably aware of the place and let it be until SHIELD comes barking orders, they question Samuel and treat him like he helped the man kill those bastards despite it being clear he doesn’t know a damn thing. This is why no one likes them, television show be damned, but it shows the ramifications of those who were just at the wrong place at the wrong time or are unjustly punished for a good deed.

Magneto himself laments he isn’t as strong as he used to be, since then he would have tossed the building into space. Instead he’s relegated into sneaking around until he comes across the process being done and recalls how the X-Men and him have kicked Sentinel-ass so much that they’d gotten to the point of underestimating them. Then Genosha happened and a nation of mutants millions strong was wiped out in a single attack, a nation he ruled as a safe haven for them.

He maps out the building with a magnetic pulse like a bat does sonar and finds a Master Mold, which he can’t destroy on his own with his powers nerfed. So instead he finds this nerdy looking scientist woman who’s thanking three-freshly minted omegas for sacrificing themselves for this, which Magneto calls BS on. Toying with both human and mutant lives to play at being God is nothing but vanity.

The three attack him, but he makes short work of them after getting nicked by a blade before he gets a name out of her. She’s Elizabeth Alain, the project leader. That was just the person he was looking for to help him shut it down. She resists of course, but that ends as he forces a paper clip into her skin and moves it through her slowly and agonizingly until she leads him to the console room.

She explains that the mutant murders that Colton committed were oversights, an accident. The facility was meant to be a human refuge for those who fear mutants and wanted to be segregated from them. Someone direct them to it so they could create guardians to protect them. Her speech eventually gets on his nerves and he kills her, because all while she’s doing it he remembers Genosha and how that ended, and he brings the place down with a few keyboard strokes.

As the comic ends he wonders if he was too rash, not with killing her but with not getting the name of who led her to the Master Mold and figures he’ll find them just the same.

Okay, Review time…

Now, I have to say either that woman was naive and stupid or she was a liar. Using ramshackle Omega Sentinels at all is not only morally questionable, as it requires messing around with a human being and those people from the Tent City were being forcibly taken, but downright paranoia fuel.

At least with the giant ones when people see them coming they can run. That lowers the number of civilians killed in the crossfire for the most part. The Omega Sentinels are meant to be stealthy so as to sneak up and kill mutants, not guard people when you consider how loose they are with their weaponry.

Whoever directed her had far more ominous intentions, so either she was too stupid to realize it or she knew and was sugarcoating it. It doesn’t matter now. So, it was a good issue and I can’t really find any fault with the comic or story that detracts from it.

5 out of 5.


All-New X-Factor #7 Review

This lackluster issue didn’t really do much for me, but I’ve already reviewed the last six issues so I may as well continue.

The story begins with the daughter of an anti-mutant bigot whining because she’s not allowed to leave home. I can understand that. Then daddy comes in to see her web-show and decides it’s time for them to go and his guard shoots the web-camera because he doesn’t know how to turn it off. He’s clearly not the brightest tool in the shed.

Meanwhile, at Serval, Snow is trying to have his side-chick, Linda, calm down after being confronted by his wife about their nightly trysts. He tells her that his wife is bluffing (I doubt it) and then meets with Lorna to ask about why they didn’t off the Magus. At the same time Danger is reading a book written by the bigot from before, Scott Drake, and Pietro is offended. They argue about politics of it when the book is a spy-thriller when it just so happens that Doug found that web-show of his daughter. Since Pietro has daddy issues and she clearly has some too, he decides to do something about it.

When they bring up the topic Lorna correctly points out that kidnapping is what they’re planning and that might not look so good for a super-hero team that’s corporate. It’s made apparent that they don’t really care and they manage to convince her to join in the kidnapping plan as Pietro gets called in to report to Havok.

He runs in and tells him about the Magus, and Havok asks why he didn’t take him down as well. Like Lorna, he states running a corporation isn’t evil…at first anyway. If the Magus is here illegally I’m sure they can contact SWORD. That or those superheroes who appeared in Scarlet Spider since the Midwest is severely lacking.

Then he ditches him to go flying with the others, while Gambit admits that while he’s focusing on the small scale of someone who needs help rather than the grand scale of things, if she wasn’t the daughter of a bigot he wouldn’t care. At least he’s honest.

They land and go knocking on his door and get warned to leave in five seconds or they’d get gunned down. That goes about as well as expected since the moment they open up the doors the corpses are revealed to be hard-light constructs while Pietro knocks them out. They meet up with Georgia, who it turns out is a fangirl.

They try to tell her they’re here to save her, she thinks she’s fine and wants to stay. Doug tries to tell her she should come with them and doesn’t let go when she tells him to. Apparently she’s a mutant or something and has the same power set as Wither because he ends up getting mummified and she acts all cool about it as the comic ends…

Okay, review time…

Let’s be real here, they were kidnapping her. Don’t get me wrong, rescuing abused children from their homes is always a good thing in comics…well, most times. But X-factor is supposed to be a superhero team, a corporate one nonetheless, but heroes. This was blatant kidnapping of the same vein of the Avengers in AvsX with Hope.

As much as I hate anti-mutant bigots, and may the Purifiers burn in hellfire, he hasn’t broken any laws. You kind of have to agree they stormed private property, assaulted his men, and then tried kidnapping his daughter. I expect this from villains. The fact that the girl was a mutant only came up after they broke in to take her.

It’s clear he’s keeping her locked away because as a bigot he can’t have his daughter being a mutant coming out. Doesn’t help that he probably pissed of f the X-Men by being a bigot, since they usually deal with mutants who need help. His options were limited and swallowing humble pie is never easy, but consider that I’ve seen worse fathers I have to say he’s not exactly doing anything wrong.

Now, until the next issue makes some things clear, I have to say X-Factor were in the wrong. Either way, the issue gets a 3 out of 5.


Miles Morales: The Ultimate Spider-Man #1 Review

Okay, Miles has been around for a bit so it’s time he got a series named after him. So in this continuation of his life upon donning the Spider-Man mask again I’ll be reading and reviewing it to give you my biased opinion of what I think of it. This is the first review of Miles Morales: The Ultimate Spider-Man and it already contains swearing so beware!

The story begins at a top-secret SHIELD containment facility. Since Cataclysm ended the way it did, SHIELD has been disbanded and that means all their prisoners get transferred to a federal prison. That includes one special bastard who by all rights should be dead:

Norman-fucking-Osborn, aka the Green Goblin, aka the man who killed Peter Parker. Apparently he didn’t die and Fury thought to keep his ass locked up since nothing seems to finish the damn job. The guard, no longer assigned to watch him, knocks his teeth in for killing Peter and tell them to keep an eye on the bastard…it doesn’t take a genius to figure out how that’s going to end.

Meanwhile, in Brooklyn, two guys are discussing whether or not Captain America is dead. Let’s face it, they didn’t find the body so he’ll probably pop up later on. But this meta-discussion gets ended when some spider-man dressed douche-bags decide to make with the robbing of an armored truck. This is not what Miles needs.

Speaking of his needs, he’s making out with Katie Bishop when she’s asking where he was last night. Considering the shot of the All New Ultimates I would say he’s busy, but since he can’t explain that because she’s not in the loop she incorrectly assumes it was because Jefferson had came home. Apparently his Dad decided to simply abandon him…see my end notes about that. Either way the discussion comes to a close when a teacher tells him to get to class and we get an angsty teen shot.

We then skip to Long Island Expressway where Norman turns into the Green Goblin and escapes, shocker, and then back to Miles and Ganke. Miles is once again debating with Ganke on telling Katie his secret identity and Ganke argues against while now crushing on Dagger instead of Gwen. He’s got a thing for older women since puberty kicked in I guess….I can respect that.

Miles reminds him that she’s taken and out of his league and then goes pouty face when Ganke mentions he helped him be Spider-Man. He then decides to call up Mary Jane and gets some advice. She tells him that yeah it’s good to tell the girl because she shouldn’t have to find out after his death makes the front page of the news. But she also warns him that it’s like being married, you tell her then you’re connected for life, so make sure she’s not a villain or decides to go the woman-scorned route if something goes down.

Miles stress-level continues to rise as he learns about the fake spider-men and knows that he’s going to probably be framed for a crime he didn’t commit soon enough. As he enters his home he finds someone ransacking the place looking for something and when they turn around it’s…wait for it…wait for it…wait for it….

It’s Peter Parker!

Okay, review time.

Really, Peter’s back…yeah, I’m not buying it. Last time I checked, Scorpion and Jessica were the only clones still running around so I say it’s him. Actually, did those two Chameleons twins get killed off or not, because that would explain so much…

The debate about telling girlfriend or not doesn’t really interest me because it’s been done before and they have us another shot of Miles being angsty, probably because he resents being Spider-Man again now that it cost him his last family member. His life was so much better before he put it on…

Speaking of which, was the Marvel staff smoking something hard when they thought that up. Jefferson abandoning his son and Miles going angsty? You’re having the African-American father, who was reasonable up until the mask came off, abandon his son? Just to make him a troubled teen rather than the chipper kid he was like ten issues ago? Really?

This…is not the type of controversy they should be trying to stir up. It’d be one thing if Jefferson was shown as abusive before, rather than just one stress-induced incident that they could both sit down and talk about after the end of the world. I mean, he was a semi-bigot with grievances against Spider-Man, but seriously they pulled that out of their asses over the course of ten pages rather than ten issues like Jefferson one day finding his spider-suit and then stewing it over.

I shouldn’t have expected better. I blame myself…no, wait, I blame Marvel. C’mon now, having Jefferson abandon him is just fucking cheap and plays into negative stereotypes on top of Miles going angst over it. The only excuse that I’d accept is that he died and they’re hiding the body. I don’t fucking want broody Miles because his Daddy left him, that daddy issue shit gets old.

You don’t see Cloak bitching about his circumstances…just saying…and for fuck’s sake, stop taking off your mask Miles!

Anyway, I can’t give this a perfect score because of the above and we know that Peter is either a clone or a shape-shifter who appears after SHIELD is closed down. Really, sending super-villains to federal prisons just begs for it. Given that in 616 Mystique breaks in and out of SHIELD for a hobby it’s fairly obvious. In fact I’d like to be proven wrong…

It gets a 3 out of 5. Clean it up, Marvel.