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Miles Morales: The Ultimate Spider-Man #1 Review

Okay, Miles has been around for a bit so it’s time he got a series named after him. So in this continuation of his life upon donning the Spider-Man mask again I’ll be reading and reviewing it to give you my biased opinion of what I think of it. This is the first review of Miles Morales: The Ultimate Spider-Man and it already contains swearing so beware!

The story begins at a top-secret SHIELD containment facility. Since Cataclysm ended the way it did, SHIELD has been disbanded and that means all their prisoners get transferred to a federal prison. That includes one special bastard who by all rights should be dead:

Norman-fucking-Osborn, aka the Green Goblin, aka the man who killed Peter Parker. Apparently he didn’t die and Fury thought to keep his ass locked up since nothing seems to finish the damn job. The guard, no longer assigned to watch him, knocks his teeth in for killing Peter and tell them to keep an eye on the bastard…it doesn’t take a genius to figure out how that’s going to end.

Meanwhile, in Brooklyn, two guys are discussing whether or not Captain America is dead. Let’s face it, they didn’t find the body so he’ll probably pop up later on. But this meta-discussion gets ended when some spider-man dressed douche-bags decide to make with the robbing of an armored truck. This is not what Miles needs.

Speaking of his needs, he’s making out with Katie Bishop when she’s asking where he was last night. Considering the shot of the All New Ultimates I would say he’s busy, but since he can’t explain that because she’s not in the loop she incorrectly assumes it was because Jefferson had came home. Apparently his Dad decided to simply abandon him…see my end notes about that. Either way the discussion comes to a close when a teacher tells him to get to class and we get an angsty teen shot.

We then skip to Long Island Expressway where Norman turns into the Green Goblin and escapes, shocker, and then back to Miles and Ganke. Miles is once again debating with Ganke on telling Katie his secret identity and Ganke argues against while now crushing on Dagger instead of Gwen. He’s got a thing for older women since puberty kicked in I guess….I can respect that.

Miles reminds him that she’s taken and out of his league and then goes pouty face when Ganke mentions he helped him be Spider-Man. He then decides to call up Mary Jane and gets some advice. She tells him that yeah it’s good to tell the girl because she shouldn’t have to find out after his death makes the front page of the news. But she also warns him that it’s like being married, you tell her then you’re connected for life, so make sure she’s not a villain or decides to go the woman-scorned route if something goes down.

Miles stress-level continues to rise as he learns about the fake spider-men and knows that he’s going to probably be framed for a crime he didn’t commit soon enough. As he enters his home he finds someone ransacking the place looking for something and when they turn around it’s…wait for it…wait for it…wait for it….

It’s Peter Parker!

Okay, review time.

Really, Peter’s back…yeah, I’m not buying it. Last time I checked, Scorpion and Jessica were the only clones still running around so I say it’s him. Actually, did those two Chameleons twins get killed off or not, because that would explain so much…

The debate about telling girlfriend or not doesn’t really interest me because it’s been done before and they have us another shot of Miles being angsty, probably because he resents being Spider-Man again now that it cost him his last family member. His life was so much better before he put it on…

Speaking of which, was the Marvel staff smoking something hard when they thought that up. Jefferson abandoning his son and Miles going angsty? You’re having the African-American father, who was reasonable up until the mask came off, abandon his son? Just to make him a troubled teen rather than the chipper kid he was like ten issues ago? Really?

This…is not the type of controversy they should be trying to stir up. It’d be one thing if Jefferson was shown as abusive before, rather than just one stress-induced incident that they could both sit down and talk about after the end of the world. I mean, he was a semi-bigot with grievances against Spider-Man, but seriously they pulled that out of their asses over the course of ten pages rather than ten issues like Jefferson one day finding his spider-suit and then stewing it over.

I shouldn’t have expected better. I blame myself…no, wait, I blame Marvel. C’mon now, having Jefferson abandon him is just fucking cheap and plays into negative stereotypes on top of Miles going angst over it. The only excuse that I’d accept is that he died and they’re hiding the body. I don’t fucking want broody Miles because his Daddy left him, that daddy issue shit gets old.

You don’t see Cloak bitching about his circumstances…just saying…and for fuck’s sake, stop taking off your mask Miles!

Anyway, I can’t give this a perfect score because of the above and we know that Peter is either a clone or a shape-shifter who appears after SHIELD is closed down. Really, sending super-villains to federal prisons just begs for it. Given that in 616 Mystique breaks in and out of SHIELD for a hobby it’s fairly obvious. In fact I’d like to be proven wrong…

It gets a 3 out of 5. Clean it up, Marvel.

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